I’ve been feeling quite blue for the last few days. I didn’t expect to feel this way until tomorrow night, when Drake’s Views From The 6 premieres on OVO Radio, and I am left reminiscing about damaged relationships that I am unable to mend. Unfortunately, things rarely go as planned, job applications get read before being placed “on file,” and the Internet always has a bad connection the moment something important is due. As I type this, a Ziploc bag filled with ice rests on my right hand as a result of completing my final law school paper, all thirty pages typed in the worst possible posture. I normally take pride in hard work and battle scars, but this time, I haven’t. If anything, I feel more annoyed now than I did prior to finishing the assignment. The reason being that for the the first time in my life, I feel like hard work has kept me from progressing.
OH YOUNG DRAKE, HOW I WISH THE DARK CLOUDS WOULD LEAVE AND BE REPLACED WITH YOURS. AH WELL. IMAGE VIA YOUTUBE.
When I started visiting law schools three years ago in Baltimore and Washington D.C., I was too naïve to realize that I was being sold an idea, a concept of the opportunities that may be available to me upon graduation. I was so excited to be admitted into law school that from the moment I decided where I would attend, nothing could sway my decision to become a lawyer. Non-stop work? Fine Annoying Type-A personalities? I can deal. Having students subconsciously remind you that you are black? Eh, it’s not like I ever forgot. My primary focus was to make money, and I believed that getting a law degree would make my road to riches easier than not having one.
What I now realize is that law school can only guarantee that you will receive a diploma, not a paycheck. So for the past few weeks, I have dealt with the stress of putting my future plans on hold to deal with present-day school work. Instead of revising my resumes, I have to read cases. Instead of going to networking events, I am supposed to go to class. I spent all of yesterday working on my final paper, knowing that there are thousands of third-year law students who are applying for the jobs that I am qualified for, but I may miss the opportunity to get the position because I have now dedicated countless hours to complete an assignment for a class. My professor gets paid to grade my work, while I pay the school to receive a grade. I should have listened when Drake said, “Turning papers in won’t get me paid.”
PICK YOUR HEAD UP DRAKE, KEEP PUSHING. IMAGE VIA PITCHFORK.
Dedicating time to something other than a goal can make one feel like their time is being poorly spent, especially when you dislike what it is that you are doing. This is probably how Drake felt when had to spend time away from recording Views to take paternity tests for women he never slept with, due to him being “legally obligated” whenever one is requested. Although, I knew I had accomplished a lot, I didn’t feel like I did, which in turn, made me feel down.
But then, I noticed that someone “liked” my recent article about Beyoncé and Jay Z on Twitter. I clicked on the young woman’s page and noticed that she included the hashtag #lupusproblems within her bio. Being curious—not nosey—I clicked the hashtag to see what people were tweeting about. Instantly, I was linked to a page full of Tweets, all sent by lupus survivors who were sharing their day to day experiences with the world. One person tweeted that he has to sit in a room that is pitch black to avoid developing horrible migraines from the sun. Another user said that they can’t stand up without their whole body being in pain. I knew what lupus was prior to today and its effects, but hearing about these struggles, on a day like today, from those who have to wake up and live with them, made me look at my “struggles” in a different perspective. What stood out to me the most were the profile pictures of these individuals. The men and women in those photos did not look weak, disappointed, or sad. Their faces held smiles, and their body language signaled strength. Nobody was complaining about having lupus because they were too busy dealing with it.
We all have our fair share of problems, but on occasion, I tend to feel like I end up with the wrong problems. I act as if my issues get mixed up with someone else’s before karma gets the chance to deliver them into my life. Reading about the lives of others made me realize that I need to not just talk and write about my problems, but also handle them. Eventually, the universe will work its magic and I’ll be straight.
Now that I feel rejuvenated, I am about to be at my best all “Summer Sixteen.”
Follow me on Twitter @easonwilson.